The Hot Mess Express
by Helencrazy
Summary: Just a fun little story to lighten up the mood of us shippers. At least, that's what I'm trying to do. Basically it's just about our dear girls getting drunk of their asses and a different way for them to first meet! No hard, emotional stuff. Fluff and humor, nothing more, nothing less. Enjoy! GREY'S ANATOMY AU.
1. Chapter 1

**Author Note 1. - So, this is my first GA fanfiction, ever. I mainly wrote it for my own entertainment but then I thought - hey, maybe others would like this too? Note that I am in no ways a great author or anything even remotely close to that. However, I have one thing in common with great authors; feedback is my fuel. **

**Disclaimer: I own nothing, except for the notes up here and the idea of the story.**

* * *

The air was cold and streets were covered in a thin layer of snow. Christmas lights were hung in every window. The city was silent except for the occasional car rushing by. Anyone who looked outside would be blind to the happenings just behind the windows of a well-known bar. The Emerald City Bar. Everyone calls it Joe's, as Joe is the owner of the place. A cozy place with great service. Most of the people that live near the hospital know that it is the go-to place for every doctor. If you work at the hospital, you have most likely been there. If you go there, you are almost guaranteed to meet a familiar face. It is peaceful, no college students go there to get hammered and cause chaos. However, every now and then, three women will come to the bar and let go of all prohibitions. Three doctors, drinking away the stress of dealing with sickness and injuries every single day.

"Joe! Another round!" Callie Torres shouted, leaning across the passed out form of one Teddy Altman. Addison Montgomery was currently drawing what seemed to be random lines across the unconscious woman's face. Joe shook his head at the trio, aware that he should probably not serve them any more alcohol. When he stalled in pouring another round of tequila for the three, Callie sent him an evil glare. Soon they had been serviced with six shots.

"Teddy, it's way too early to be passed out," Callie declared, smacking the head of the other woman. She instantly woke up, rubbing the spot Callie had hit.

"Shit Callie, take it easy," she grumbled. Callie silently passed them the tray of shots and each of them grabbed two. They downed them quickly and Addison moved to stand, swaying dangerously.

"I am so going to make out with Joe tonight," she declared. Callie laughed at her friend.

"Addy, the man is gay," she said, "you are most definitely not his type."

"What, are you saying I don't look manly enough to hook up with a gay man?" Addison questioned, raising her eyebrows.

"Uh, yes. You're lacking a very important thing if you want to get a gay guy to like you," Teddy interjected, "like, a penis."

"This is so not fair," Addison huffed, getting back in her seat, "Joe is way hot."

"Guys!" Teddy grinned, "I have an idea!"

Before the others could ask her what it was, she had stood up and left the booth. Callie and Addison got up to follow her, curious as to what Teddy would do. She walked to the large Christmas tree Joe had put up in the corner of the place, the others stumbling behind her. She grabbed a hold of the branches and tried to climb it.

"Guys!" she shouted happily, the tree swaying beneath her, "I'm an ornament!"

Callie and Addison gaped at her, looks of wonder upon their faces. Suddenly, the tree started leaning towards them. They stepped back just in time for the tree to fall over completely, Teddy now lying beneath it. All three of them burst into hysterical laughter, unaware that everyone's eyes were on them.

"That's it ladies," Joe shouted, running towards them, "you need to get out. Go home before you hurt anyone."

"Joe," Addison said in a sing-song voice, "can I do anything to convince you to let us stay?"

The redhead grabbed him by the collar and leaned in, nibbling at his earlobe. He quickly pushed her away, earning a hurt look from her.

"You guys are too drunk for your own good," he said, shaking his head in disbelief, "and you need to leave."

He picked the tree up from Teddy who immediately rose to her feet, still flat with laughter. Callie was doubled over, partly from Teddy's accident, partly from Addison's rejection. Joe grabbed Callie and Addison, leading them towards the door. Teddy followed closely behind, too drunk to process what was happening.

"No tips for him," Callie grumbled as he closed the door behind them, leaving them in the cold wind of the night.

"Preach," Addison agreed. Teddy giggled and stepped further away from the door.

"We should make snow angels," she said. With that, she threw herself down in the snow, kicking her legs and arms around happily. The other soon joined her after a brief moment. All three ignored the cold snow seeping through their clothes, soaking them in ice-cold water.

* * *

"Callie," a voice burst through the foggy haze that was Callie's mind, "Callie."

Callie groaned in response, unable to form any words. She could hear a chuckle somewhere above her and it made her cringe.

"You good to get up Torres?" a familiar voice asked. Callie carefully opened her eyes, groaning once more at the bright light that hit her.

"Where am I?" she croaked.

"You're on my coach, and I'd like it if you would get your drunk ass off of it," the same voice answered jokingly.

"Mark?" Callie questioned.

"Yep."

"And Lexie," a chipper female voice said. Callie cringed visibly at the high-pitched sound. It felt like a bunch of builders was drilling on the inside of her skull. Her mouth was dry and her eyes itchy. Then she realized that she was freezing, her clothes sticking to her body. She opened her eyes wider; slowly getting her eyes used to the light, and spotted the faces of Mark and Lexie right above her.

"What happened?" she asked.

"You came to my apartment in the middle of the night, drunk of your ass and soaked to the bone, saying you couldn't find the key to your own apartment," Mark explained, grinning down at his friend, "the key that you were most likely just to hammered to get out of your pocket."

"You interrupted a pretty good night," Lexie chimed in, "we were-"

"I don't need to know."

"…playing trivial pursuit," Lexie finished.

"Oh."

"Yeah, so, you might want to get out of here and change your clothes before you get hypothermia," Mark said, helping Callie slowly sit up. The carpet below her seemed to start spinning furiously, causing a wave of nausea to hit her full-force. Mark saw the telltale look on her face and immediately motioned for Lexie.

"Lexie, go grab a bucket. Quick," he said, rubbing Callie's back soothingly. Lexie was back by his side in a matter of seconds, handing him a bucket from the kitchen. He gave it to Callie and turned away as she emptied her stomach. Lexie shot him an apologetic look and left the room. When Callie finally stopped retching, Mark dared to turn around.

"Oh god," Callie groaned, closing her eyes, "I feel like shit."

"You look like it too," Mark grinned, moving out of range as Callie raised her hand to smack him. Callie sighed deeply, motioning for him to help her get up. He did and sent a silent thank you to the heavens when it did not upset her stomach further. They made their way towards the hall, Callie barely doing any of the work as she was basically letting Mark carry her whole weight. He grumbled but she chose to ignore it, her hung-over mind not able to form proper responses anyways. Once in the hallway Mark smiled sheepishly before searching through Callie's pockets, trying to find the key to her apartment. Thankfully it didn't take him long and they were soon safe in Callie's home. Mark helped her get to her bed where she collapsed, mumbling a quiet "thank you".

"You're welcome," Mark replied, "now get some sleep. You're going to be saving lives in a few hours."

Callie's only response was a muffled string of swear words.

* * *

**Author Note 2. - Look at you, you made it to the end of chapter one! That's freaking awesome. If you enjoyed what's been written so far, feel free to leave a review to let me know. Also, it would be greatly appreciated if you told me what was good, and what wasn't.**

** Bye-yeh! - Helene**


	2. Chapter 2

"How are you not dying right now?" Callie groaned, glaring at Addison's smiling face.

"Coffee, aspirin and a banana bag I set up when I got home," the redhead explained, grinning in amusement at her friend's obvious suffering.

"Just be glad you're not the one who has to do surgery in a couple of minutes," Teddy said as she came to stand beside them at the nurse's station, reading through a chart.

"Believe me, I am," Callie assured her. The three stood chatting until Teddy left for surgery. Addison excused herself minutes later, having been paged to a consult. Callie rubbed her eyes with the back of her hand, thankful that the aspirin she had taken earlier was starting to kick in. She turned to leave when something – or someone - collided with her shoulder. The chart she had just picked up from the nurse's station hit her square in the forehead and she swore loudly.

"Oh my god, I am so sorry!" her source of collision said just as loudly. Callie groaned, rubbing her forehead, her headache now intensified.

"Fuck!" she exclaimed. A slim hand was put gently on her shoulder, the barely touch there making her body tingle. She had no time to ponder the strange feeling as the other spoke:

"I am so, so sorry! Do you have a concussion? Can I get you anything? I am really, truly sorry!"

"It's alright, I'm fine…" Callie trailed off, looking up to meet the bluest eyes she had ever seen. They were filled with concern. A strand of curly blond hair fell in front of one blue orb.

"Are you sure? I could get someone to check it out," the blonde insisted. Callie chuckled, her headache far from her mind at this moment. She looked the other woman over properly, to her dark blue scrubs, the animals on her lab coat, the dimples in her cheeks.

"What, aren't you a doctor?" she asked jokingly, earning a gorgeous smile from the blonde.

"Yeah, but I thought you might not want your assailant to check out your head," she countered.

"You have a point," Callie admitted, rolling her eyes when her pager started ringing at her hip, "I've got to go, see you around?"

"Yeah, yeah okay," the other said, looking slightly surprised. She smiled widely at Callie, making the other woman feel a little weak in the knees. Before more could be said, Callie rushed away, a slight blush covering her cheeks.

* * *

As lunch rolled around, Callie's headache was finally gone. She was eating at a table that also seated Cristina, Meredith, Addison and Bailey. Across the cafeteria, in the middle of the food line, stood the mysterious blonde Callie had ran into earlier in the day. Callie had been staring at her ever since she entered, barely listening to whatever Addison was going on about. She only looked away when a sharp hit connected with her shoulder. She yelped in parts surprise, parts pain.

"What the hell Addy?"

"Are you even paying attention?" the redhead asked, annoyance clear on her face, "and what are you staring at?"

Callie contemplated telling her for a moment, but decided against it. Addison would only make fun of her or force her to go talk to the other woman. She was so not ready for that yet.

"Nothing, just zoned out," she lied. Addison frowned, a look of disbelief on her face. Her eyes went to where Callie's were previously locked. The disbelief disappeared from her face and was quickly replaced by confusion.

"Why are you staring at Teddy?" she asked. Callie turned her head quickly and saw Teddy laughing with the blonde woman she had been staring at for the last ten minutes. Before she could answer, Cristina butted into the conversation:

"Why are we staring at a pediatric surgeon?"

"Teddy isn't a peds surgeon?" Callie raised her brows at her roommate who simply responded by rolling her eyes.

"She knows that. The woman Teddy is talking to, Dr. Robbins, is a pediatric surgeon," Meredith explained on her friend's behalf.

"Oh, I think Callie would've known what I was talking about if I had referred to her as; Dr. Sex on Wheels," Cristina rolled her eyes, "your face tells all Torres."

"Shut up," Callie grumbled, blushing as she turned her attention to the disgusting mash of potatoes and carrots on her tray. Addison turned to face her, eyes wide.

"You're hot for Robbins?"

"What? No! Shut up guys," Callie groaned. She looked up to face Bailey, silently pleading for help.

"I'm staying out of this," the shorter woman stated simply, stuffing a piece of cucumber in her mouth. Callie pouted, but there was no way to change Bailey's mind.

"I'd never peck your type to be perky surgeons with Holly Hobbie scrub caps and shoes with wheels, but I can totally see it," Addison grinned.

"Seriously, how do you guys know so much about her?" Callie asked.

"Teddy told me all about her, she was really excited," Addison answered.

"Way to be vague. Why would Teddy know so much about her?"

"They grew up together. They've known each other since they were four or something," Addison explained, "how do you not know this?"

"I would like to know too. You'd think Teddy would've told me about it," Callie frowned once again. They didn't have more time to discuss it as the subject of their conversation was now standing at one end of the table. Teddy was slightly in front of Robbins, her arms crossed in front of her chest. She looked pretty pissed. From the way every single person at the table fell silent, it was obvious that they had been talking about the pair.

"You want to introduce us to your little friend?" Bailey asked, breaking the awkward silence. Teddy took her eyes away from Addison and Callie who were relieved to be rid of her angry glare.

"Uh, right. This is Arizona Robbins, new pediatrics surgeon here at Seattle Grace Mercy West. She also happens to be one of my best friends. Ever," she motioned for Arizona to step forward which the blonde happily did, "Arizona, these are my colleagues and friends."

"Do your colleagues and friends have names or do you want me to guess?"

"Yeah, sorry. There's Miranda Bailey from general surgery, Meredith Grey and Cristina Grey who's residents, Addison Montgomery from obstetrics and gynecology. Addison is also a great friend of mine," Teddy pointed to each of them as she presented them, "and, last but not least, Callie Torres, ortho goddess. Another great friend of mine."

"Yeah, we met," Callie grinned, a slight blush spreading across her cheek.

"Uh-huh, sort of crashed into each other," Arizona confirmed, smiling before looking very worried, "is your head alright by the way? I'm still really sorry about what happened. I just got these new shoes, and I'm not used to them yet and…"

"It's fine, don't worry about it," Callie smiled at the blonde's nervous ramble, completely missing the smirk Addison sent her way.

"So, what exactly happened?" Addison asked. Callie and Arizona started speaking at the same time, both trailing off into laughter. Callie signaled for Arizona to tell the story. She wasn't even sure she could speak right after hearing that laughter.

"Well, I had just gotten here, changed into my scrubs and the wheelies and was on my way to meet with the chief," Arizona explained, a small smile present on her lips, "I sort of lost control of the wheels and literally crashed into Callie here; made her smack her charts right into her forehead. I'm not going to make assumptions of course, but I think I can safely say that it probably didn't help with her hangover. We didn't get formally introduced though."

"How did you know I was hung-over?"

"I'm a doctor, I recognize the symptoms of a hangover. And it's not like I've never had one myself," Arizona smiled.

"I've never seen you drunk and we went to high school together. How can that be?" Teddy asked, frowning slightly at the realization. Arizona rolled her eyes.

"I don't know if you remember, but I was a pretty awkward person in high school," she winked as she added, "you should have seen me in med school though."

"Yeah, no one had time to party in med school."

"I did. I got smashed every weekend and still had time to graduate at the top of my class," Addison disagreed, earning a discreet fist bump from Teddy.

"Well, it was nice meeting you guys but I have to go introduce myself to my residents. Enjoy your lunch," Arizona said, her eyes lingering on Callie as she looked around the table. She was met with various goodbyes and see-you-laters.

"Bye Arizona," Callie grinned, smile widening as the blonde waved shortly before leaving.


End file.
